Humble Pie

Have you ever had this conversation with one of your children or with one of your parents? “I am the parent and you are the child. When I tell you to do something it should be, ‘Yes Dad,’ or ‘Yes Mom.’” Sometimes as a parent you may feel like you do not have to explain yourself to your child or that you have all of the answers.

I was engaged in a conversation with my son in which I knew I was right. I made sure that he understood that I was right and that no further discussion really was necessary. After a mild protest he finally gave in, (and not a minute too soon).

After he went upstairs to his room, my wife in her own motherly way and with wisdom and patience showed me the error in my position. As it turned out in this instance my son was right and I was wrong.

Have you ever eaten humble pie? The main ingredient is humility, but other critical ingredients are understanding, sincerity and love. It does not taste good going in, but once it settles in your stomach it gradually satisfies.

After letting the situation soak in a bit, I made the trek upstairs and knocked gently on my son’s door. He opened it and I said that I was sorry that I did not hear him out and asked for his forgiveness. He forgave and we hugged. What a great feeling!

As a leader you have to be willing to be held accountable for the things you both do and say to the people you lead, whether at work or at home. Simply saying, “I am the boss,” or “I am the parent is flawed leadership.

How you handle matters with the people you lead can have either a negative or positive long-term impact on your relationship. Admitting when you are wrong is not a sign of weakness, but respect and strength.

I don’t know about you, but I'd rather eat apple pie.

Come on In the Door is Open

I received a call from a recruiter that I worked with years ago. He reminded me of the time he and his staff flew out to our office for a meeting to discuss sourcing strategies for identifying and hiring new employees. He recalled that during our meeting a staff member interrupted to let me know that one of our employees was in my office and wanted to speak with me. (I have always had an open door policy, especially for my hourly staff.) He remembered that I excused myself from the meeting and met with the employee. Our conference room had a large glass window and while I was speaking with the employee, he was observing our conversation. Shortly thereafter the employee left and I returned to our meeting. He recalled that the employee was distraught and when he left I placed my arm around his shoulders, which resulted in a smile on his face.

The recruiter said that my brief exchange with my employee had a significant impact on him. He said in all of his travels across the country, and out of all of the managers he had met, he had never seen a manager interact with employees in that way. He said for me to excuse myself from a meeting to speak with an employee was very unusual, but admirable. It totally caught me off guard to hear of the lasting impression those few minutes had made on him.

Before I landed a leadership position I remember so many times when I wanted to speak with my boss and many times he seemed to be disinterested in speaking with me or his door stayed shut for long periods of time and you dare not interrupt him. When I had questions or just wanted his help with an issue he could be short with me. I never liked the way it made me feel, unimportant, in the way, or a bother.

In the movie Ever After, Danielle (played by Drew Barrymore) is having a conversation with Henry (played by Dougray Scott). During the interchange she reminded him of the importance of the people (peasants) he leads.

Danielle: The Prince has read Utopia?
Henry: I found it sentimental and dull. Honestly, the plight of the everyday rustic bores me.
Danielle: I... take it you do not converse with many peasants.
Henry: Ha, certainly not, no. Naturally.
Danielle: Forgive me, Your Highness, but there is nothing "natural" about it. A country's character is defined by its "everyday rustics," as you call them. They are the legs you stand on and that position demands respect,...”

“They are the legs you stand on and that position demands respect.” No leader ever accomplishes anything without the legs of an organization—those legs are its people. I am always cognizant of that fact and as a result, I will always take the time to speak with the people that work for me, and my door will always remain open.

Smile

Today my daughter and I served breakfast at an organization in Oakland called World Impact. Although the morning was grey and dreary there was a light that shone brightly in the smile of my daughter. Despite being tired from a long late night at a friend’s sleepover party, she said she still wanted to go with me. I asked her why she still wanted to go and she said with a smile, “I really love serving them.” (When you really have a passion for an activity it energizes you, even when you are tired.)

While serving coffee and juice she flashed her smile at one of the residents who said, with a smile in return, that she made his day! It’s amazing what a smile can do to raise the spirits of a person. My daughter did not fully know the overall impact she made in that person’s life, but in a neighborhood where many of the residents have little to smile about, her smile made a difference.

In today’s world where there is so much uncertainty, hopelessness and fear, many find it difficult to smile. As a leader there will be times when we need to give the people we lead a reason to smile. In the TV series Man vs. Wild, Bear Grylls, survivalist, often says that no matter how bad things get when you are lost in the wild, a fire brings warmth and a feeling of hope. I believe a genuine smile can have the same effect.

Leaders who can communicate a message of hope and encouragement with a smile will find that their teams will respond in a way that will keep them engaged even when things are going well.

Less than 15 minutes after returning home, my daughter was snuggled in her bed with a smile on her face, fast asleep.

"Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing."

Mother Teresa

Wasted Lives

"If I could get the ear of every young man but for one word, it would be this; make the most and best of yourself. There is no tragedy like a wasted life--a life failing of its true end, and turned to a false end." -T.T. Munger

I do a lot of work in some of the toughest areas of Richmond, San Pablo and Oakland, CA. Many times I have the opportunity to interact with the people who live in those cities. About a month ago I had an encounter with a young man who evidently felt I disrespected him in some way. I am still not sure what I did, but he was filled with so much hate and anger directed at me that if he had had a gun with him I probably would not be writing this blog. There are so many young black men that possess so much rage it doesn’t take much to set them off. My experience that day reminded me of a scene in the movie Tombstone when Wyatt Earp asked Doc Holiday what made Johnny Ringo do the horrible things he did:

Wyatt Earp: What makes a man like Ringo, Doc? What makes him do the things he does?
Doc Holiday: A man like Ringo has got a great big hole, right in the middle of him. He can never kill enough, or steal enough, or inflict enough pain to ever fill it.
Wyatt Earp: What does he need?
Doc Holiday: Revenge.
Wyatt Earp: For what?
Doc Holiday: Bein' born.

I think there are a lot of angry young black men out there that are cut from the same cloth as Johnny Ringo. They are seeking revenge for “bein’ born.” They want revenge for not having an intact home, for not being loved, and for not having the life they only see in the movies. They take out their revenge on other blacks. They get involved in drugs to make quick money, and join gangs to find acceptance and protection. In an episode of the television series “American Gangster,” a gang member says that he expected to be dead by 25 years old and now that he is 35 he does not know what to do with the rest of his life. It is a sad commentary when people live their lives with the expectation that will be dead before their 25th birthday. This is the reality of many young blacks living in the ‘hood.

The Justice Department's Bureau of Justice Statistics Report offers a snapshot of racial disparities among violent crime victims. Black people represented an estimated 13 percent of the U.S. population in 2005, (the latest data available), but were the victims of 49 percent of all murders. Most of the black murder victims — 93 percent — were killed by other black people, the study found. In another study dated Aug. 9, 2007 the Federal Justice Department stated “49% of murder victims are black m and most are 17-29 years old, and their murder rate is going up.”

My question is where is the concern? Where are the protests? Young blacks are dying at such high rates and yet it doesn’t even garner a front page article. It’s like it’s old hat, like it doesn’t matter that one more young black man has died at the hands of another black. There are so many studies, books and articles of the plight of blacks in America, but no resolution. I applaud those who are trying to address the problems, but much more is needed.

What needs to be done? I believe we need to have more positive role models in the black community. We need to impress upon our young people the value of education. We need to value family. An unprecedented 70% of all babies born into black families are born into single parent households—we must reverse this trend if we are going to change the course of our current downward spiral. We need to focus on the lives of children and create an environment of learning and support that will begin to reverse the negative cycle. The problem will not be cured overnight, but we need to start now!

We need black leaders from all walks of life to exercise their influence to make a difference. Sports and movie stars, doctors, lawyers, architects, teachers, business owners and the like have a very important part to play. They must be active in encouraging and inspiring our young people to break the chain of ignorance and the cycle of death and destruction by inspiring a sense of hope that will help change our communities.

Honest Man

“I hope I shall possess firmness and virtue enough to maintain what I consider the most enviable of all titles, the character of an honest man.”
George Washington

My family and I went out for dinner at one of our favorite burrito places. With our meal we asked for water cups instead of sodas, much to the disappointment of our kids. After getting our food we went to fill our cups with water. When my son got to the table with his drink he noticed that he had, out of habit, filled his cup with coke. Without any prodding he quickly went back to the register and told the manager what had happened and that he wanted to pay for the drink. The manager had this stumped and surprised look on his face. He could not believe that this young man would be honest enough to voluntarily pay for something he did not order. A smile gradually appeared on the man’s face and he graciously said to my son, "Thank you for your honesty, the drink is on me."

My son could have easily hidden the fact that he was drinking a soda he had not paid for. The manager could have accepted payment and would have been justified for doing so. However, both responded in a way that exhibited character and a key attribute of a leader, honesty.

In today’s world many of our leaders lack character. They make promises they do not keep. They operate in the world of “quid pro quo.” They refuse to accept responsibility for their actions and the words they say. It’s amazing how we as a country continue to accept leaders with poor character. We must demand more from our leaders whether they are in politics or in business. Why? Because the decisions they make can have a significant negative impact on the people they lead. Wall Street is a prime example. Taking sweetheart mortgage deals, stashing money in freezers, and lying about sexual relationships must be challenged. Until we stop accepting mediocre leadership we will continue to underperform as a nation.

In our home my wife and I have tried to instill into our kids the importance of character. We are so proud of our son for doing what he knew was right and displaying the kind of character that is essential to good leadership. My son could not have enjoyed the coke had he not paid for it.

Leadership Essential #1, Honesty - check.

Motivational Leadership

Have you ever been in a situation where you needed to be there to help motivate someone? How did you handle it? Do you believe that it’s possible to help others to become better? Below are some of my favorite quotes associated with what I believe to be essential leadership characteristics:

Success

"Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value."

—Albert Einstein

Vision

"The very essence of leadership is [that] you have a vision. It's got to be a vision you articulate clearly and forcefully on every occasion. You can't blow an uncertain trumpet."

— Theodore Hesburgh

Passion

"One person with passion is better than forty people merely interested."

— E. M. Forste

Determination

"The price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand."

— Vince Lombardi

Communication

"The basic building block of good communications is the feeling that every human being is unique and of value."

— Unknown

Humility

"Pride is concerned with who is right. Humility is concerned with what is right."

— Ezra Taft Benso

Honesty

"I hope I shall possess firmness and virtue enough to maintain what I consider the most enviable of all titles, the character of an honest man."

— George Washington

Commitment

"People do not follow uncommitted leaders. Commitment can be displayed in a full range of matters to include the work hours you choose to maintain, how you work to improve your abilities, or what you do for your fellow workers at personal sacrifice."

— Stephen Gregg

Chairman and CEO of Ethix Corp

Although cleverly crafted motivational words alone may not be sufficient to move people to rise above negative circumstances, they can provide inspirational points of light to an individual or individuals that help them regain focus during trying times.

What is your favorite motivational quote?